Transparency

No, I'm not talking about the shade of my skin. (Although that would be a pretty accurate description.) I'm talking about a glimpse into my heart. A "Keeping it real" moment. Sharing my deepest thoughts with the world. It makes me feel vulnerable and I often try to avoid that. I don't know why I feel the need to share this really, but I do.

I am so glad this baby isn't a girl.

There. I said it. It does not paint a pretty picture of me, I know.

I'm honestly not sure that I even fully understand why I feel this way. I think I have a pretty good grasp on it, but I have a hard time expressing it. Until now, my husband was the only person who I have ever shared this with. I'm afraid it will make me seem like a monster, even though if you could truly see my heart you would know that isn't the case.

I truly believe that God has called women to be wives and mothers, before anything else. I love being a wife and mother. It has brought me more joy and fulfillment than any position, salary, or prestige the world could offer me. But still, my attitudes and my actions often say something else. Would my daughter see that? Would she see how rewarding this life can be? Or would see the frown on my face and hear the sharpness of my tongue and be fooled into believing the empty promises of happiness in the world? It's a battle I'm not willing to lose, yet I don't feel prepared to fight.

I am not wonderwoman and I am not super mom. I cannot have the cleanest house, the healthiest meals, the most friends, or be involved in the most activities. I cannot teach her to sew anything other than a straight line, or to do her hair. I can't teach her about beauty, and grace, and femininity, and modesty, and chasteness, and purity when I have so much to learn myself.

Let me end by saying this. I know that this "boy" could very well come out a beautiful baby girl. And I know that God's grace is sufficient. I will love her, she will bring me joy that I didn't know was possible, and I will immediately come home and delete this post. :)

There you have it. My heart, exposed.

Baby Melon

My baby is now the size of a cantaloupe.

How neat is that?

photo from thenestbaby.com

Because He's Just So Cute

It's been a long time and I just couldn't resist a post with nothing but pictures of my sweet little man. Me wuvs me baby!

Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat?

I know that good prenatal care is important for your baby. But I think the key word there is "good". Today I had a somewhat disappointing appointment. It went a little something like this-15 minutes in the waiting room, blood pressure, weight, urine sample, baby heartrate, see ya later. Grand total-20 minutes. Gas spent-Approx $4.00. Amount billed to insurance-probably around $50. My feelings-a little jipped.

I wasn't told my weight, blood pressure, baby's heart rate or anything. I don't know. Maybe I'm expecting too much. I also learned that I will not be getting the big ultrasound where they do all the measurements to make sure the baby's organs are developing properly. I thought that was standard, but apparently it isn't.

So, really I have nothing to report. Maybe next month.

And while we're somewhat on the subject of weight, let me just throw this in there. My friend's daughter felt the need today to tell me how much bigger I look now. Not pregnant, "just bigger". And just like that, my ego was crushed. I mean, come on. I still weigh less than I did when I got pregnant and I can still wear all of my pre-pregnancy clothes. Never tell the pregnant lady she's getting bigger. We know that!! It's part of the process and it's just not cool to say.

Well, enough of that. Let's end on a happy note. The other day Keith and I were at Wal-Mart and I was showing Tyler some placemats they had for kids. One was to help them learn colors and had Sesame Street characters on it. I pointed out Elmo, which Tyler pronounced Uh-Oh. Now every time he sees something Elmo he starts saying Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh. Very cute!

What You've All Been Waiting For...

The Big Announcement.

Drum roll please...

It's a boy!

We are so excited! The lady who did the ultrasound was very positive that it was a boy, and for that I am very thankful. I like to know for sure.

Even though we didn't pay for a 3D ultrasound, she was nice enough to give us several shots in 3D which was wonderful. I told Keith that I thought they looked like the 3D shots we had of Tyler and he agreed. When we got home I compared the two and they were almost identical. I will try to scan and post them so you all can see what I mean.

And, for even more good news-I think we already have the name picked out. Poor Tyler didn't have a name until a few days after he was born. And if it was a girl, we were really stuck. I'll keep the name to myself for now just in case something changes.

Well, I better get busy. Have a great weekend!

A Real 'Duh' Moment

They say you lose brain cells during pregnancy. I wouldn't argue. There are days when I feel like my brain has exited my body. Yesterday was one of those days.

I have been having trouble with our internet connection since we got home. I have tried shutting down and restarting, resetting the modem, and all that other good stuff. None of it seemed to help so I decided I would call Comcast and see if they happened to know what was going on. So I called, entered all my information on the keypad (which they asked me for yet again as soon as I was actually connected to a human-5 minutes later), and waited. When the nice lady (really, she was very nice) picked up she asked me what was going on and I told her. She apologized and asked me if I had already checked the obvious, and then tried to help me. She asked me to confirm the phone number on the account. I gave it to her and she couldn't pull the account up. I could not figure out why. We only have one number and I knew that was it. She asked if I had a bill nearby with an account number on it. I knew I did so I started looking through the bills. I found it! As I searched for my Comcast account number on my Charter bill it suddenly hit me...

"I'll call you right back."

It probably helps if you call the right company!

Pink or Blue???

image from allposters.com

Tomorrow we will find out. I can't believe it is time already. Although time seemed to stand still when I was experiencing the not so fun pregnancy symptoms, it just doesn't seem like it should already be time to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. I just recently started feeling the baby move and I absolutely love it! I think that is probably my favorite part of being pregnant. I love the little reminder of the sweet miracle that is taking place.





So, just for fun, would you leave your boy/girl guess in the comments. I'll let you know soon.